Introvert Time

The only other single person left in my entire family, up to and including my third cousins, just got out of surgery for her breast augmentation. I've been at my parents' house for just four days this Easter holiday and I'm already grasping at straws for self-worth. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister's/cousins'/extended family's in-laws. We get along great and I enjoy their company. But what the fuck can I do about the criticism and judgment coming from all of my aunts/uncles/parents/older generations?

For example, I'm sitting here typing a new blog post on a computer while the rest of the extended family is out to restaurant lunch. A lunch that was announced at 10:30am by my mother. A lunch many people invited me to. A lunch that many people reminded me of. All of this before 11:00am. I didn't want to go to because I enjoy wearing pajamas all day. An invite-rejection lunch that received glares of concern and vocal disapproval of my desire to be alone. Mothers, sisters, uncles, cousins, and in-laws all voiced their negative feedback of me staying at home.

I've been with these fuckers and all EIGHT of their kids, for four days straight without a single conscious moment alone. The only time I've been alone is during sleep. Some of the diaper changes I've done would make Satan proud (honestly, I've never seen a person shit more than they could paint of their body weight. Have you ever seen a person create a volcano of shit from their asshole to their neck? I did yesterday.). Leaking diapers, sheets and clothes soiled in piss, milk/formula bottles constantly being filled and washed, hundreds of toys that lose interest after 5 seconds, naps that cannot be predicted, maintaining a cheerful and patient disposition at all times, and I grilled up a lobster/steak dinner for the adult family just last night. And yet, I'm not allowed to be left alone for lunch today?

Granted, fitting-in has never been a part of my repertoire. But I absolutely love my family of kids. A quote from the oldest kid in my extended family this weekend, "Uncle Ben is my favorite person. He cuddles good." I don't care who you are, when a child announces that to the entire family during Easter dinner, it's a heart-melting moment. Why don't the adults in family understand such a simple analysis? What greater maturity do they have that a child cannot see?

It's because of my honest flaws: I'm single and not going through surgery to enhance myself. I'm a prescription drug addict. An alcoholic. A blunt asshole. I've been in therapy. I've told my family these things. My hair is cut too short in some places and too long in others. I don't consider myself a Christian as they do, even though I still believe in much the same things. My morals, ethics, traditions, and culture are flexible without personal motive. In short, I didn't follow the my older generation's advice and while the rest of my family does, I'm left out in the open. Without penis/breast implants.

Last conclusion, I need to refocus on my self-confidence and self-esteem while I'm here. So, I just went out and bought some strong cigarettes, two bottles of liquor, and a few computer/electronic parts to work on for my parents. Once the family gets back from lunch I'm going to take care of the children and tell the adults to fuck off while I use my introvert time. Let them gossip and dramatize everything they want while I enjoy what they deny should exist. Am I the only introvert or just the only male in my family? If my family actually learned from their own children rather than "raising" them, they would understand both their children and me better. I really don't understand what the fuck is going on with them.