Fed Follow-up and Reply

Here is the response I received to my last email (see previous post) from my professor. I have also included my reply. Honestly, the bitch is lucky I don't post her email, physical address, social security number, and cell phone number throughout /b/ (nerds, you know what I mean):

From: XXXXXXXXDennis
To: benjaminsmyth@yahoo.com
Sent: Wed, September 22, 2010 1:06:23 PM
Subject: RE: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College

Dear MR. Smyth, the class meets at the same time and place. Since your e-mail reveals you have experience with school Iam sure that if you attend and do all the work you should succeed. I will see you in school. SD

My reply, and yes, I did bold, underline, and italicize everything as written:

Professor Dennis,

I must apologize for my persistent ignorance during our communication. Again, I seem to have missed an obvious answer to a relatively simple question. My question was: "Where are the future lectures being held?" Somewhere in your reply ("the class meets at the same time and place") the answer was presumably present, but I seem to have missed it. I have read your last email over at least three times, but I have yet to find a location, or even a time for the next lecture. To what "same time and place" in your previous emails are you referring? When and where is the next lecture? What, exactly, is the problem with telling me where and when the next lecture is available?

The last time I was present at lecture (with other people) was on Friday, September 3, at 9:00am. At this lecture, I was not listed on your attendance sheet, and when I asked you why I was not, you told me I needed to leave to go to "the administration building" to receive an add code. I left immediately, asked strangers and found the admissions office to no avail, asked strangers and found the staff Business offices to no avail, then went to the SD City College Police Station and told them my predicament, wherein they suggested my problem might by solved on the second floor of the "T" building, which was relatively correct. I obtained an add code and (sparing you the above process of information) found a computer lab wherein I could add the course as you instructed. By the time I returned to room A-15, no one was present.

At the (I presume) next lecture on Friday, September 10, in room A-15, between 9-9:30am, no other person was present and the lights were off in the classroom. Why was this lecture room empty? Was it canceled? Was there a change? Did you leave early? Nevertheless, on Friday, September 17, I was not present at lecture for two reason: I did not know where and when the lecture was scheduled, and I was order by the U.S. Department of the Army to be qualifying with M9 and M4 weapons elsewhere in the state of California. Did you receive my official U.S. Department of the Army orders (in pdf format) that I sent you three emails ago? Was it even necessary to send them, or was my attendance to an empty lecture room correct?

Let's simplify. In addition to the above listed questions, here are additionally required questions I need answered in order to continue to be a part of this course:

1. Where is the lecture currently being held? (Exact building and room number)
2. When is the lecture currently being held? (Exact time)
3. What happened to the lecture I attended on Sept 3, 2010 at 9-9:30am? Wrong room or wrong time or canceled?
4. What exact chapters should students have read in the textbook up to this point?
5. What assignments should students have completed up to this point?
6. What are the exact (format, length, wording) specifications you have given for the assignments up to this point?
7. What quizzes have been given up to this point?
8. What tests have been given up to this point?
9. What reading should students have completed up to this point?
10. In general, what should your students have done up to this point?
11. Why have I not been provided with a syllabus?
12. Why have I not received a syllabus after four weeks into the course?
13. What is the problem with attaching your syllabus to your reply to this email?
10. Where can I obtain a syllabus?
11. Why have I not received a course schedule after four weeks into the course?
12. What is the problem with attaching a course schedule to this email?
13. Where can I obtain a course schedule?
14. When can I obtain a course schedule?
15. Why have I not received a description of assignments due after four weeks into the course?
16. What is the problem with attaching a description of assignments to this email?
17. Where can I obtain a description of assignments?
18. When can I obtain a description of assignments?

I cannot make this more simple, nor less complicated. I need basic information that I've already paid for. I am sure your syllabus would answer most of my questions, but after five emails, no relevant information has been provided. Finally, do you mind, if these questions are not answered, I forward this email to the Dean of Business and the Dean of San Diego City College? If you are unwilling (out of sheer laziness to read and write) to answer these simple questions in my attempts to complete a course I have paid for, I will have to use other resources to resolve the problem. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience.

Thank you for your time,
-Benjamin

Fed the Fuck Up

The following is an email conversation that took place between me and my Professor of Business "Law and the Legal Environment." I attended the course, but was inexplicably dropped from the attendance sheet on my second day of lecture. After failing to receive a response from the professor for instruction, I called the Dean's office for her contact information.

Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2010 13:37:42 -0700
From: Benjamin
Subject: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College
To: XXXXXXXXXXXdennis1@hotmail.com

Professor Dennis,

I am currently enrolled in your Business 140 course on Fridays 9:00-12:10pm at SD City College. I apologize for contacting you at your personal email address (had to call the Dean's office to get it), but I am in desperate need of any information regarding this course. It has been over three weeks since this course started and I have no information regarding required reading assignments, in-class assignments, homework, quizzes, tests, research papers, etc. If it's possible can you reply to this email and attach any material (at the very least, a syllabus and/or current assignments) so that I can catch up?

Background: I attended your course two weeks ago (if you remember, I was in blue jeans and a blue t-shirt) wherein you informed me I needed to go to administration to receive an add code prior to attending lecture. I went to administration, waited for and received an add code, found a computer lab, added the course, and returned to the lecture room (A-15) only to find that class had ended. Last week, I went to the same room (A-15) only to find that the room was empty with the lights off and no class members were there.

What reading should I have already completed? What assignments should I do? Are there any tests/quizzes/papers I need to prepare for? Has there been a room change (not A-15) that I need to know about?

I do not wish to be behind in this course.

Thank you for your time and consideration,
Benjamin Smith

From: XXXXXXXDennis
To: Benjamin
Sent: Sun, September 19, 2010 11:07:26 AM
Subject: RE: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College

Were you in class on Friday the 17th? Please attend so I can help you.

Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2010 10:55:21 -0700
From: Benjamin
Subject: Re: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College
To: XXXXXXXXdennis1@hotmail.com

Professor Dennis,

I was not in class on Friday the 17th due to mandatory active duty training for the Army. I have attached a copy of my orders to this email as proof. I am not skipping class.
I still need to know everything I asked in the original email, but now I'm four weeks behind instead of three.

Thanks ahead of time,
Benjamin

From: XXXXXXXDennis
To: Benjamin
Sent: Tue, September 21, 2010 4:58:23 PM
Subject: RE: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College

You need to attend class especially when it meets only once per week. Make sure you outline each chapter and I believe we are up to fiftteen. See syllabus. Also, I reccomend to all of my students to obtain students phone numbers etc. I cannot be held to keep you informed, in college this is generally your responsibility. Will you be attending this week? See you soon. Professor Dennis

So, finally... I just sent the following:

Professor Dennis,

Clearly, I have failed you as a student. This is my final attempt to obtain any information, either administrative or content-based, concerning your course. As of today, September 21st, 2010, I am utterly ignorant as to how I can access any information regarding what, when, where, or how your expertise in Business Law is available. I surrender to my stupidity and request your gracious leave.

However, I would be remiss if I did not point out the multiple messages I sent to you via the San Diego City College "Schedule of Classes" professor contact information. I do not mean to insult you, but you are not actually listed on either the Staff, Administrator, Professor, or Employee directories (both telephone and email). I now understand that you are an Associate Professor, but apparently, who cares? I had to contact the San Diego City College Dean's Office just to obtain an email address for you. I do not think they meant to offend you, but perhaps they intended to protect your perishable contribution to the student population at their college.

Speaking of which, I appreciate you reminding me that I "need to attend class especially when it meets only once per week," as I was completely unaware of this silly requirement. It was surprisingly necessary to tell me this in response to my providing orders from the United States Department of the Army for me to be elsewhere on the day of your lecture. I was remiss in regarding the authority of the President of the United States as superior to your own (possible coursework?) requirements. Rest assured, I will attend all of your future lectures despite the literal punishment of death for desertion during a time of war. I am now prepared to learn everything I can about the "Law and the Legal Environment."

Speaking again to my obvious stupidity, where are the future lectures being held? Clearly, despite asking for such information multiple times, I have missed the answer. I sat (in a quite lonely and, I daresay, sad state) in the dark and deserted lecture room of A-15 on September 10, 2010 between 9:00am and 9:30am. Neither you nor any other person was present. Again, thank you for requesting me in your second email to "please attend so I can help you," as I was unaware that your intentions were so freely available. Without such advice, I believe I would've considered a lecture in a dark and empty room as a complete waste of time.

Additionally, your succinct sentence instruction to "See syllabus." was incredibly insightful in response to my request to "please reply to this email and attach any material (at the very least, a syllabus...)," as this is exactly what I was missing. Again, I must beg pardon for my idiocy. I have obviously missed an obvious point. I'm relieved to hear that you "believe we are up to fiftteen" chapters in the book, since I know that such faith works in mysterious ways. Am I correct in assuming that "fiftteen" outlines have been turned in by all other students during the past three weeks in your course? The other students, none of whom I've met at lecture, must be some of the smartest smart people ever to explain to themselves what, when, where, and how you want these "outlines" written.

But you, even to me, further explained that you "cannot be held to keep [me] informed" of course information, which pretty much goes without saying. Faithfully enough, you "reccomend [sic] to all of my students to obtain students phone numbers," which would nigh be impossible if I hadn't attended an empty lecture room, a lecture when you told me to leave to find "the administration building", and a U.S. Army training drill. I will no doubt soon learn that "in college this is generally your responsibility" when it comes to obtaining the phone numbers of other college students. I imagine this is part of learning about the "Law and the Legal Environment."

As a point of said fact, you were correct in your blunt implication that I have never attended college, nor am I aware of my responsibilities in college, when you stated "in college this is generally your responsibility." Granted, I have never introduced myself to a single student in your course during my dark and lonely college attendance days, but I regress. I have only earned a Bachelor's degree from the "University" of California, San Diego and a professional clear teaching credential from California State "University" of Bakersfield. Great of you to remind me of my freshman collegiate responsibilities. The difference between my previous education experience and your "cannot be held to keep you informed" policy towards students is mind-boggling.

I am still enrolled in and looking for any information regarding your course. I'm paid in full, money-wise.

-Benjamin

Five Full Seconds

Earthquake. My bed is shaking, I'm shaking, and the window's blinds are sitting perfectly still. Hm. What's going on here? I hear thumping, a pulse perfectly synced to the quick techno beat at a local rave. Must be party music? If it is, must be a one man band. My pulse. That's my heart! Bed, chest, head, eyes blur to the rapid tump tump tump tump tump tump of blood expanding my skin. I'm laying perfectly still, despite my eyelids. What happened? I listen, hear nothing. What brought me back to reality? Some danger close?

Nothing. There is nothing there. Are you sure? Wait. Yes. Just me. And I'm breathing, fast and hard. My sense kicks in and I see - through color-washed and watery-eyed sight - the edge of my pillow, my mattress, my desk. My bed is still shaking. Someone thumps my spine with a rubber triangle, electric shock seizes me (my brain sends my entire body a panicked signal to move because it thinks I'm dying, thanks Wikipedia). Lasts 0.1 seconds. The...th... what the... fuck? I am ready to kill. I just did, I think. But I'm hurt, badly. I can feel blood on me, erm... wait. (My memory has a one second half-life) Sweat. Sweat? Sweat.

Uuuugggggghhhhrollmyeyeshhh Goddamnit... I'm sweating like a whore in church. Check the temperature, it's fine. I'm covered with only a sheet. Still nothing here. Something happened. I don't know what. Probably a dream, PTSD, stressed about something, etc. Oh well. This is why I don't like to be around people. Back to bed. I haven't moved.

Just A Reminder

This is a letter for me tomorrow. Yesterday you drank a beverage containing some form of alcohol and/or high caffeine (coffee or tea). You do not feel nearly as good as you did yesterday. Your energy is low and you feel exhausted. You have a headache and did not sleep well last night. You are telling yourself you're a piece of shit and forming explanations as causes for low self-worth. Let me remind you of why you did what you did yesterday while knowing what would happen to you today:

Yesterday, while you were consuming whatever type of beverage CONFLICTS WITH YOUR MEDICATION, you were creative. You were on point, on target, focused, calm, non-delusional, assertive with respect, productive, secure, and quite happy. The reason you drank/ate said "chemical contradictions" is so you would feel that way, and at least, get something done. In other words, you did what you could to make yourself do what you wanted to do. No person, no human, ever, in the history of existence, or commas, has ever, done anything, different. People do whatever fulfills their deepest satisfaction for happiness. This was your purpose and your goal, and you succeeded.

In case you're doubting that, let's recap yesterday's events starting AFTER you had finished your first TWO cups of coffee. You had a stable conversation with your landlord about renewing your lease and correcting some of the landscaping deficiencies around your house. Through BOTH email and telephone conversations with multiple people, you arranged packing and plans for this weekend's Army drill. Again, through BOTH email and telephone conversations with multiple people, you arranged for contact with one of your "lost" professors and spoke intelligently with the OFFICE OF THE DEAN OF COMPUTER SCIENCE at your college. You completed two homework assignments for one of your courses. You worked on a final project for another. You called and left a voicemail message with a friend. You texted another. You posted and commented on other posts on Facebook. You downloaded a few movies and T.V. shows, incorporating them into your database for easy viewing. I could go on, but there is no point.

You still feel like crap. The science behind this is simple, even if the explanation is not. The science says that any decrease or increase of blood pressure, motor functions, anything that effects mental reasoning, or diet will fuck you up. Your negative mood, attitude, feelings, or thoughts are the result of conflicting chemical reactions. You knew what you were doing yesterday. You knew it would work, both then and now. You knew it would affect you here and now and until the reaction ceases to exist.

This is not a moral wrong. This is not harmful to you. This is a neutral cause and effect. You are not an alcoholic, a drug addict, nor an addict to anything at all. Remember, remember that your DOCTORS WANT YOU TO BE ADDICTED TO VALIUM OR VICODIN OR CLONOPIN. You refused, and continue to do so. Vodka, beer, and rum are nothing compared to that. Coffee, soda, or straight sugar are nothing compared to that. Fuck them, you knew and know yourself best.

I know you've stopped reading. I know you've stopped listening. I know you don't want to hear it. But, just in case you're here, just in case you care, just remember that you don't care. Apathy is your cure. Indifference is your motto and motivation. Whatever results from those says nothing good or bad about you, but is exactly what you expected. You know this shit! You are who you planned to be, good or bad, who cares? Indifference Benjamin, Indifference. Beyond that, the motivation, action, and vision will come. Fuck good, fuck bad, fuck them, you've got this shit. You really do. Because today, in this moment of chemical contradiction, you were honest. Yourself.

Meritocracy

I have just now learned that I live in an actual, real life, sociological theory called a meritocracy. A meritocracy is a society structured according to "merit", or in a practical sense, according to tangible ability. Basically, run personal responsibility through a societal blender and you'll get social self-worth. You do good? You're good. You do bad? You're bad. Such is the nature of this culture's profession. And, like all cultures, it's relatively relativity bullshit.

I don't know why it has taken me this long to realize this, nor do I understand why it is at all relevant, but at least I know now.