Ten Minute Poetry?

For a few broken minutes
I'm going to sit outside
Gonna let the sweat dry
From the inside without
Wrap to unfold to laid out
A hold, a control of me
Just to be

For a few broken minutes
I'm going to cry
Sit down in the shower
Let my eyes die
Taste my salted wet
Smell the ocean set
Upon steam off my broken heart

For a few broken minutes
I'm going to breathe in deep
Let my mind sleep
Through the errant flow
A concentrated blow
Let it glint my soul
And take me all down

For a few broken minutes
I'm going to sit outside
Look up in the sky
Stare at bugs in the light
Feel small in the night
Zoom in at the stars
And see the flames of space

For a few broken minutes
I'll feel the earth turn
To learn its trembles
Like they were my own
In sync with all I need
Balance and symphonies
Of silent time

For a few broken minutes
No one but me to need
Life without hope
A chance for pause
Stopping the cause
Broken space and time
To sit and unwind

Therapy Notes

The budget came close to $3,000.00 in therapy bills. So, I thought I would post my raw self-actualization notes taken on loaned paper from my final session. If not for you to read, then they're for me to remember.

DOUGLAS L. ZABRISKIE, LMFT
Licensed Marriage Family Therapist, MFT 28192

Cognitive Behavioral

• Project into the future and becoming afraid
• come back to "NOW"
• Catastrophize - asking "What if?" (see above)
• Practice meditation, prayer, breathing
• Deal with practical present issues
• Becoming okay with uncomfortable feeling
• Insecurities - non-real
• Practice relaxing

• Feel anxious - attach to cause
• start to panic
• Practice saying "I have an uncomfortable sensation in my body, but there is no need to tense up or panic."
• Tolerate bad feelings
• do something with energy
• Little boy feelings
• don't expect so much from yourself
• give yourself a break FREQUENTLY
• go to safe place
• bunker, fire pillar
• have your inner adult take over with "Dad talk"

• Give yourself positive affirmations
• Remind self of character, accomplishments, etc.
• Remind self of security
• "I'm attractive to women"
• Practice "I want to be..." instead of "I don't want to be..."

• I'm lovable
• Important part of friends/family
• I am lovable even if I'm insecure

Biggest Lie  ------>  Negative - If I get your complete energy and attention, I'll be okay

• Laugh. How much attention do I really need?

• Keep evaluating trust

Best Response ---> I'm significant and I belong

• Let go of emotional control
• will kill relationships
• Start slow, but with honesty
• less emotional intimacy
• lower expectations
• don't let initial attraction rule you
• Trust unfolds, you don't need to create it

Relationships

• Blame others or self
• Back off, time, think about what's really bothering you
• Awareness practice
• safety experiments - trust tests
• Do they accept me?
• start with little things
• Counteract punishment effect
• tendency to not trust women
• suspicion, paranoia of cheating
• healthy intimacy boundaries
• laugh at ridiculous fears/feelings
• jettison the issue FREQUENTLY
• Don't ask why or what if
• you'll get stuck
• why doesn't matter, how you react to situation does
• Recognize betrayal fantasies
• realize present truth (laugh, see above)
• Recognize and practice disengagement from being approved, adored, or understood
• in conversation - angry, upset - recognize
• people often misunderstand, not fully accept
• What is my perceived need?
• they don't have to understand
• Reprogram negative beliefs about women
• tolerate discomfort - no deeper cause or meaning
• not mom, sister, cousins, etc.
• many women are trustworthy