Judgmentals vs. Bad Christians

I talked with a friend today who spoke honestly and made perfectly good sense, though I disagreed with him. He told me that he is a Christian but does not often make that fact known to people because he is such a bad Christian. He said he doesn't want to be a bad witness. He thought the Bible backed him up on this, I didn't really know either way, but nevertheless I thought his efforts were good intentioned.

What could drive a person to deny their Christianity? My first guess would have to be the amount of pressure and judgment that comes from Christian communities to conform to Christian values and behaviors. I do not mean to generalize all Christian communities. However, I do know from experience that there are those few Judgmentals who conceal themselves within such communities only to drive people away at times when they are most vulnerable.

I am not innocent of being judgmental either. There are many stages of my life when I have been full of arrogance and pride such that practically nothing could escape my critique. So, I sympathize with the Judges. However, when I am on the receiving end of their narrow-minded “observations,” I get severely hurt by them. There is no love in judgment, no matter how nicely someone words it. And no matter how Biblical the critique, when the speaker does not listen and understand to whom he is speaking, then his truthful words turn to mere insults of character.

I wonder if this is why my friend has chosen to not bring shame on Christianity by denying his part in it. Perhaps he has had the “truth” spoken to him too many times, rather than others listening to the truth about him. As such, it makes perfectly good sense that a good person would deny their Christian faith to save the face of those who so strongly protect it. In reality, I fear that my friend is only protecting the pride of those Judgmentals who drove him away (“spoke the truth”) in the first place.

In either case, I think my friend points out a helpful flaw in Christian culture. We need to accept those who are less than perfect as though they are in fact perfect. We should not fake or conceal their imperfection either. Rather, we should embrace the person, as though they were family and had nothing to prove by their behavior or values. We should be freeing each other by listening rather than speaking and believing in each other rather than allowing the Judgmentals to win.

I would feel much better about being a Christian if this were true of my community.

My Ideal Community

I want to describe my ideal community. It is pretty much entirely imaginary, so bear with me if you can. I hope it doesn't sound too childish.

My ideal community is full of people who are risky. They are not careless or reckless, but they can throw caution to the wind if they so desire. If somone in the community is down, sick or lonely or otherwise hurting, they are sincerely responsive. No one is really alone unless they want to be, so no one every feels lonely. People takes risks for each other. They act out in service, as though they are taking care of one of their own family. For example, friends could call each other in the middle of the night and, despite having a wife or work tomorrow, they would come over and be company. In fact, some people even look forward to getting such calls.

Pity is not shown, but tenderness is, so there is no disrespect or condescention. The skill of listening is one of the highest personal achievements. People in this community know how important it is to be listened to and understood, so they put effort into making sure they listen to each other. No shallow "I'm sorry to hear that" phrases or other insincere remarks. Yup, they actually care, and they show it.

I imagine this would be a small community. As in most small towns, everyone knows each other. But in this community it is different. Everyone actually knows each other, because they've taken the time to listen and understand each other. The weaknesses and strengths of the community are clear because of how freely communication flows. I told you they were risky. :)

For some reason I can't explain, because this is my imagination, I think this community deals with a lot of danger. There is always some outside threat to the community. This makes for a strong sense of loyalty with each other. It is important that they are in such a perilous situation. Without the danger, the communication and loyalty would be much less important and probably wouldn't even be there at all.

Hm, doesn't sound like America does it? Well, maybe after 9/11. But, it doesn't sound like any "civilized" places that I know of. When I reflect on this imagination, I wonder if I'm not supposed to live in a harsher environment than San Diego, California. I think the people that have the potential to be in this community exist here, but I don't think the actual community does. There are some good people here, but there aren't too many good communities. At least, I haven't found them yet. I hope I find a community like this. I'm sure it will be different than I imagine it, but I hope I keep my imagination vague enough for the details to fit in.

Cheers,
Benjamin