Thoughts on humility, confidence, and insecurity

It is no secret that confidence is a desirable trait for any person. Confident people are seen as attractive, reliable, and generally “safe” for anyone. They typically achieve much in life, as much as their potential will allow. Truly confident people rarely have insecurities, those troubling doubts about personal worth, security, or lovability. But exceptionally confident people, who look much different than the normal sort, have balanced it with humility.

I love humility, but humility is too often confused with insecurity. The fact that I know my negative traits does not make me insecure. I know my strengths as well. It is perceived worthlessness, unlovability, or inadequacy about these traits that forms into the stickiest fears and doubts. Weaknesses are not insecurities by themselves. Weakness must be mishandled, denied, or compensated for in order to become insecurities and truly ruin confidence. Insecurity says, “I don’t think I can do that,” but Humility says, “I cannot do that, I can only do this.” Both of them are right, but they are not the same.

Humility is true confidence in action. It is not the type of confidence you will find from the guy who approaches you in the bar and introduces himself as your next boyfriend. Generally, he probably just wants to buy you a drink so you won’t notice or care about his overbearing cologne, hairy back, or sexual motives. He wants you to believe his hair, compliments, and carefree attitude are more important than his carelessness, eyes, or body language. He probably owns a big gun, which I do too, but that is not the point. This guy, with his elaborate dancing techniques, chauvinistic yet sweet manners, or exaggerated similar interests is the top card on the house of cards. He is Daffy Duck dressed like Bugs Bunny, or Eeyore acting like Tigger. Insecurities are negative traits covered up by ego and they will come out when the guy at the bar has run out of pickup lines, flattering words, and hilarious but one-lined jokes.

Why do I know this guy? Because I have been this guy. The aggressive jackass traits of socially confident guys appear to me the same as stage fright in teenagers. Puberty didn’t last long enough for them to realize how silly it is to strike a pose and how endearing it is to be honest. It is the difference in affection one would feel for a prim and proper cat as opposed to a mellow lap dog. We laugh at the cat, and love the dog. Still, people go to ridiculous lengths to proposition themselves. They’re like rap stars on the red carpet, wearing everything from feather hats to clocks, as if they were living on stage rather than with the audience.

Confidence without humility comes from those who are secure because they simply have no insight into their weaknesses. For the fun-loving, Tigger-like confidence, ignorance is truly bliss. I enjoy the company of such people, but I would never trust them. Given the right person, situation, or event, the confident person can turn into a coward without ever having realized his weakness. When a bad day at work turns into a kicked-in door or a casual conversation with another turns into a jealous outrage, you have discovered what that laissez-faire personality knew nothing about.

I have met some rather unintelligent and ugly people who were far more attractive than the most accomplished athletic thinkers because, despite their lesser skills and clumsy flaws, they were neither shy, overly-humorous, nor compensatory for them. They were humble, which only comes as a result of honesty, giving no room for baseless insecurity, and thus giving off an endearing confidence. The arrogant, conceited, or otherwise confidently defended egos only attract mistrust.