If I Ran Heaven

If I ran heaven, there would be a special area reserved for angels to sit and listen to people. The Holy Spirit Himself would give in-flight tours of creation, describing the design and function of every living thing with far more detail than the Discovery channel.

If I ran heaven, outside the front gate would be a garden filled with second chances. Everybody would be able to go there, even if it was hard to see some people who could never enter the gate. There would a special detachment of angels to help the Saved deal with the loss of the Unsaved.

If I ran heaven, all questions would be able to be answered, even if they were bad or irrational. With this in place I could discover the location of every pair of my socks, every unsolved mystery, and all of my x-girlfriends' thoughts. There would be an apology wall, where every bad memory could be written and received in public vulnerability. There would be a swimming pool that washed away every broken heart and bad childhood memory.

If I ran heaven, there would be a heavenly Olympics, where participants could race mythical characters such as The Flash, box with Superman, and if they're lucky, wrestle Jesus. And even though we wouldn't have bodies to maintain, there would still be a gym.

If I ran heaven, there would be a school for everything taught by the Lord Himself. We could sit and listen to lectures on His design of nature, language, culture, and chocolate. There would be a comedy show with video presentations on the silliness of humans that far surpasses America's Funniest Home Videos. The Lord Himself would reminisce about His best moments watching the proud and professional suffering hiccups, yawning, goosebumps, and being ticklish.

If I ran heaven, sleep would be an unnecessary, yet popular pastime. I could curl up with most fuzzy and dangerous of animals. All of my past pets would be there, of course, and I could listen to them reminisce about the times we had together. I could meet every animal I hunted and we could fondly recall their last moment on earth together. Somehow I believe early American Indian tribes would help me here.

If I ran heaven, there would a room larger than the earth itself filled with music from every culture on earth. Tribes from every continent would be able to speak their language, cook their food, and host their most honored ceremonies. Parties would be held every day and night in each section, and politics would be banned everywhere. I could spend at least a hundred lifetimes in this room alone.

If I ran heaven, tattoos would be the norm. Dances would be taught on golden floors. Crowns would be given as birthday gifts. And Stella Artois would be on tap.

And finally, if I ran heaven, everything would be so lovely that one would always want to worship. Guys could look at girls and think “Praise God! That is the hottest, most beautiful thing I've ever seen.” And girls could look at guys and think... whatever it is they think about guys. We could sit in front of the Lord's throne and feel every emotion at once. We could look at Him and not be able to blink. We could hug Him and never let go. We could sing in perfect harmony together. We could talk late at night under the stars. We could eat next to Him at every meal. We could smile at Him and He would smile back. We could sneeze and He would say... whatever it is He says when we sneeze.