Dating in the Late 20s

Nothing inspires celibacy like the current trends in single Christian female circles. It seems like every single Christian girl is simply a good girl waiting for the right good boy to come along and pursue them. They wait and quote scripture to back up their claims that they should be waiting because good boys are supposed to be the Christ-like leaders and take initiative.

Two things:

The fact is, when you find a good boy, he won't seem nearly as attractive as a confident jackass. And even if you do find him, chances are he won't pursue you in the same way the jackass would. There will be no flattering comments about your looks or personality that make you swoon because the good boy is not interested in getting some tail that night. In fact, being a good boy, he probably lacks the assertiveness it takes to hit on you in the first place because his passive “let's all get along” approach has been the chief cause of his popular, good boy status. A good boy who is popular amongst his peers is probably less assertive than a smooth rock. Seriously ladies, show me a good Christian boy and I'll show you a completely spineless wimp. He is probably liked by everybody, loved by some, but only knows about intimacy with pets rather than girls.

I have nothing against good boys except this: they make the rest of us look bad. How am I supposed to compete (yes, competition) against good boys in Christian circles when my virginity is far gone, my church volunteering is minimal, and my church attendance is dependent on the type of coffee and donuts present? I do not part my hair, run an activist club, or meet with the pastor on a regular basis. I guess this somehow makes my faith somewhat questionable. Appearances, as we know, are fully accurate.

Perhaps I am just sick of dating “Suzie Q” Christian girls who expect me to be the good little boy they've always wanted to raise and follow. I am tired of my faith and character being questioned because I do not improve upon the spiritual habits of the girls I date. My last relationship ended because I download illegal music and unethically bought tickets to a movie. Seriously. I have had enough of the “Hello Kitty” type DTR sessions that reiterate how important it is to have Christ as the center of our relationship. Yes, I have read and learned from Dr. James Dobson, Joshua Harris, Dr. Henry Townsend and C.S. Lewis, so what? At what point did you expect me to not have my own faults that you would have to confront? Did you not expect a person on the other end of this relationship? The ideas you received from Sunday school, relationship books, and jealously observing those “I wish I had that” type of relationships simply do not apply to real men.

And while we're at it, let's talk about observing those “I wish I had that” relationships. I cannot comprehend how some Christian girls actually believe some relationships are perfect. It seems like some girls just see a happy couple at church and think “their life is so much better because they have a good guy like that.” Honestly, I do not know what they think. But this would explain why most of the girls I have dated were looking for the ideal relationship rather than experiencing the uncertainty and frequent instability of becoming emotionally intimate with a real boy. That's right, I've got no strings to make me perfectly safe! God made me a real boy years ago. Freak.

Are we not past this immaturity yet? I swear I'm only going dating women who are at least 30 years old. Perhaps I should even start dating divorced women because they might have learned what it's like to introduce a good boy into leadership as a real man. Like me, they've been to the circus and seen the puppet show, so there's no curiosity about sex, living together, praying together, and all of the problems that rise in between. They realize that, unlike what we learned in relationship books, people change for each other in relationships. We adapt. We overcome. We accept and reject faults as best we can. We look past what we cannot control or change, and focus on what we can do and say.

Good little boys shouldn't be what you're looking for. Ideal relationships do not exist. Pure safety and stability is a myth. Let's all grow up like Pinocchio and start to use our own principles to stand on. Get to know people before you judge their character. Judge people by the way they live their lives, not by their passion for following rules and praying before meals. It’s okay to like someone because they are simply attractive. Girls, you have permission to be wise and raw, so take advantage of it. Stop falling for the good boys whom you end up resenting because they weren’t as good as they first appeared. Look for the guys who know themselves, who can present themselves without spin, and who you can trust to be exactly what they tell you.