It's nearing midnight, but I can't sleep. So, I thought I'd blog about something I was reminded of at church this past Sunday.
This deep thought came during worship, which seems to be the way these thoughts come to me. Most worship songs have something in them about "exalting" God or lifting Him up or something to that effect. Well, whenever I've been away for a long time, I get reminded of why "exalting" is so important. There's something about exalting or honoring or glorifying God that just strikes deep with who I am. Do you ever get that too?
I think that when I'm away for a while I start to just naturally honor or "glorify" myself. Usually it starts with just a self-esteem or loneliness thing, but it ends up being something I'm really wanting for myself. I really can daydream with the best of 'em. I always wanted to be some kind of hero/savior/idol of someone or something. In at least half of the movies I watch I imagine myself in one of the better roles. I even imagine my friends or the people I know seeing me doing some absolutely brilliant thing and be utterly shocked that I could do such a thing.
That's how I am when I'm not worshipping. But when I'm worshipping, or even at least around worship, I get the most distinct impression that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's like I'm exactly where I am needed and where I belong, like I SHOULDN'T be doing anything more. It feels so damn good. I don't feel the pressure of needing to be better or earn my praise or wanting to belong.
What's even more weird, and in the more intense times, is when I get the impression that God is thoroughly pleased with me when I'm there. It's like I'm doing EVERYTHING right. It's ridiculously comforting, much more than I can say in words. I really wish I could feel that way all the time, but like I said, I just tend to try to honor myself when I'm not around true worship.
So, throughout the week I'll continue to daydream, watch movies, listen to music and hope that one day I'll be the world's best guitar playing singing comedian who knows jujitsu and can decipher the world's most complex problems. But, maybe next Sunday I'll get more relief from that crap.
1 comment:
Great post. I also feel closest to God during worship, but even though my human ugliness is still there it doesn't seem to matter because God is so much bigger. I feel like the person I'm created to be when I worship God in that deep, connecting way.
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