Being Single

Let me first say that being single is a blessing from God and can be much worse that we make it. And secondly, being single is one of the hardest challenges anyone can face. I’ve come to realize that there are many others in my boat, erhm… we’re in our own boats, but at least we’re floating adrift on the same ocean. And in spite of hearing about how many nice fish there are in the sea, we can’t help but feel lonely.

So, without going into too much depressing detail, here’s three rather unhealthy single thoughts I’ve had in the past few weeks:

“What the hell is wrong with me?” – The ol’ insecurity loophole. Relationship challenged? Issues? Hair? Car? :) Often disguised as genuine reflection, this statement comes in various perspectives and flavors, all sticky with self-pity. The only thing missing is the feeling of being loved by another, but when no one is there, we try to solve the problem ourselves by asking ourselves this question. Shrinks call this “bargaining.” When the cause of the pain is still up for debate, we don’t have to feel it quite as much.

“Why did I break up with my last girlfriend?” – Sure, now you ask. You didn’t count on this, didja? Once I had someone who made me feel better, but now that she’s gone, I don’t feel as good anymore. For some reason, my memory gets very clouded when this thought comes. On two occasions I’ve gone back to the old girlfriend, which instantly cured the memory problem of why we were no longer together. Either that, or she was with someone else. In either case, escaping this trap requires performing one of the most difficult virtues: remembering the truth.

“How do I get the type of wife my friends have?” It sounds bad, I know. I’m not scoping out my friends’ wives. I’m jealous of the relationship they have. Notice, I went right to “wife” not “girlfriend.” Because, ah ha!, I want the life partner, not a hopeful. I’ve already thought about the type of girl I want to end up with, all I need to do is find her. And despite everyone telling me it’s “God timing,” (funny how the people who say that are MARRIED), I can’t help but feel somewhat neglected. And that’s really all it is. There really isn’t anything to figure out. No magical method. No need for extra charm or sweet smelly stuff. Sort of like looking for a treasure without a map, you should probably keep looking for the treasure rather than start looking for the map.

The hardest thing about being single for me is being around Marrieds. Don’t misunderstand, I love my friends. But Marrieds, especially new Marrieds, are ridiculous to talk to about being single. My favorite bit of advice from a Married is this: “You need to be content with singleness before you enter into marriage.” Bullshit. If this is true, why did you get married? Apparently they weren’t content with being single, either.

Anyway, that's my rant. Most times I enjoy myself as a bachelor. There's so much freedom! It's just that, occasionally, there's too much freedom.