The budget came close to $3,000.00 in therapy bills. So, I thought I would post my raw self-actualization notes taken on loaned paper from my final session. If not for you to read, then they're for me to remember.
DOUGLAS L. ZABRISKIE, LMFT
Licensed Marriage Family Therapist, MFT 28192
Licensed Marriage Family Therapist, MFT 28192
Cognitive Behavioral
Biggest Lie ------> Negative - If I get your complete energy and attention, I'll be okay
Relationships
- Project into the future and becoming afraid
- come back to "NOW"
- Catastrophize - asking "What if?" (see above)
- Practice meditation, prayer, breathing
- Deal with practical present issues
- Becoming okay with uncomfortable feeling
- Insecurities - non-real
- Practice relaxing
- Feel anxious - attach to cause
- start to panic
- Practice saying "I have an uncomfortable sensation in my body, but there is no need to tense up or panic."
- Tolerate bad feelings
- do something with energy
- Little boy feelings
- don't expect so much from yourself
- give yourself a break FREQUENTLY
- go to safe place
- bunker, fire pillar
- have your inner adult take over with "Dad talk"
- Give yourself positive affirmations
- Remind self of character, accomplishments, etc.
- Remind self of security
- "I'm attractive to women"
- Practice "I want to be..." instead of "I don't want to be..."
- I'm lovable
- Important part of friends/family
- I am lovable even if I'm insecure
Biggest Lie ------> Negative - If I get your complete energy and attention, I'll be okay
- Laugh. How much attention do I really need?
- Keep evaluating trust
- Let go of emotional control
- will kill relationships
- Start slow, but with honesty
- less emotional intimacy
- lower expectations
- don't let initial attraction rule you
- Trust unfolds, you don't need to create it
Relationships
- Blame others or self
- Back off, time, think about what's really bothering you
- Awareness practice
- safety experiments - trust tests
- Do they accept me?
- start with little things
- Counteract punishment effect
- tendency to not trust women
- suspicion, paranoia of cheating
- healthy intimacy boundaries
- laugh at ridiculous fears/feelings
- jettison the issue FREQUENTLY
- Don't ask why or what if
- you'll get stuck
- why doesn't matter, how you react to situation does
- Recognize betrayal fantasies
- realize present truth (laugh, see above)
- Recognize and practice disengagement from being approved, adored, or understood
- in conversation - angry, upset - recognize
- people often misunderstand, not fully accept
- What is my perceived need?
- they don't have to understand
- Reprogram negative beliefs about women
- tolerate discomfort - no deeper cause or meaning
- not mom, sister, cousins, etc.
- many women are trustworthy
5 comments:
Does this stuff really work? Like the positive-speak and the "inner adult" self talks?
Interesting post.
I'm not sure about "positive speak," but the "inner adult" self talks work. I simply pretend to be a dad, with a son that I love dearly in the situation I am currently in. I love him unconditionally. So, do I fault him for anything? No. I simply see him as he is, and he is the most kickass son a dad could have. I know insecurities, fears, etc. are with him, but I also know they don't change him. I know him, he deserves the best, and that is all I want for him. He is important, one of the biggest parts of my life, and incredibly vigilant, more than I ever expected. He has exceeded my expectations in so many ways with more challenges than I ever imagined he would face. And while I hate to see him struggle, and never have I watched anyone struggle as severely as he has, I know just how strong and resilient he is. His capabilities amaze me. I am proud, and will always be of him.
This is what I imagine a loving father (not mine) would say to me, and I think it is entirely right and true for a father to say.
So, try writing a letter to your imaginary son or daughter about the current situation they (actually YOU) are in. If it helps, then it works. It worked for me.
So, was it worth the 3 grand?
It's hard to say. How much is learning more about yourself worth? Somehow I think that answer depends on others' benefit of me, including 'anonymous' you. Has anything I've written here helped you in any way?
No doubt therapy helped change me drastically. Reading back a mere three years in journals shows just how completely unrecognizable I was back then. Change for the better? Sure, I hope.
I do know that I'll be in therapy for the rest of my life. Whether it be in my previous therapists office, a stereotypical "couch and notepad" setting, a candlelit monastery, a padded white-washed facility, or even an incensed Buddhist temple atop a Himalayan peak; I'll be there for regular check-ups and refills.
Yeah, it has helped me. Your frankness inspires me.
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