Fed the Fuck Up

The following is an email conversation that took place between me and my Professor of Business "Law and the Legal Environment." I attended the course, but was inexplicably dropped from the attendance sheet on my second day of lecture. After failing to receive a response from the professor for instruction, I called the Dean's office for her contact information.

Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2010 13:37:42 -0700
From: Benjamin
Subject: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College
To: XXXXXXXXXXXdennis1@hotmail.com

Professor Dennis,

I am currently enrolled in your Business 140 course on Fridays 9:00-12:10pm at SD City College. I apologize for contacting you at your personal email address (had to call the Dean's office to get it), but I am in desperate need of any information regarding this course. It has been over three weeks since this course started and I have no information regarding required reading assignments, in-class assignments, homework, quizzes, tests, research papers, etc. If it's possible can you reply to this email and attach any material (at the very least, a syllabus and/or current assignments) so that I can catch up?

Background: I attended your course two weeks ago (if you remember, I was in blue jeans and a blue t-shirt) wherein you informed me I needed to go to administration to receive an add code prior to attending lecture. I went to administration, waited for and received an add code, found a computer lab, added the course, and returned to the lecture room (A-15) only to find that class had ended. Last week, I went to the same room (A-15) only to find that the room was empty with the lights off and no class members were there.

What reading should I have already completed? What assignments should I do? Are there any tests/quizzes/papers I need to prepare for? Has there been a room change (not A-15) that I need to know about?

I do not wish to be behind in this course.

Thank you for your time and consideration,
Benjamin Smith

From: XXXXXXXDennis
To: Benjamin
Sent: Sun, September 19, 2010 11:07:26 AM
Subject: RE: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College

Were you in class on Friday the 17th? Please attend so I can help you.

Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2010 10:55:21 -0700
From: Benjamin
Subject: Re: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College
To: XXXXXXXXdennis1@hotmail.com

Professor Dennis,

I was not in class on Friday the 17th due to mandatory active duty training for the Army. I have attached a copy of my orders to this email as proof. I am not skipping class.
I still need to know everything I asked in the original email, but now I'm four weeks behind instead of three.

Thanks ahead of time,
Benjamin

From: XXXXXXXDennis
To: Benjamin
Sent: Tue, September 21, 2010 4:58:23 PM
Subject: RE: Lost student in BUSI 140 - City College

You need to attend class especially when it meets only once per week. Make sure you outline each chapter and I believe we are up to fiftteen. See syllabus. Also, I reccomend to all of my students to obtain students phone numbers etc. I cannot be held to keep you informed, in college this is generally your responsibility. Will you be attending this week? See you soon. Professor Dennis

So, finally... I just sent the following:

Professor Dennis,

Clearly, I have failed you as a student. This is my final attempt to obtain any information, either administrative or content-based, concerning your course. As of today, September 21st, 2010, I am utterly ignorant as to how I can access any information regarding what, when, where, or how your expertise in Business Law is available. I surrender to my stupidity and request your gracious leave.

However, I would be remiss if I did not point out the multiple messages I sent to you via the San Diego City College "Schedule of Classes" professor contact information. I do not mean to insult you, but you are not actually listed on either the Staff, Administrator, Professor, or Employee directories (both telephone and email). I now understand that you are an Associate Professor, but apparently, who cares? I had to contact the San Diego City College Dean's Office just to obtain an email address for you. I do not think they meant to offend you, but perhaps they intended to protect your perishable contribution to the student population at their college.

Speaking of which, I appreciate you reminding me that I "need to attend class especially when it meets only once per week," as I was completely unaware of this silly requirement. It was surprisingly necessary to tell me this in response to my providing orders from the United States Department of the Army for me to be elsewhere on the day of your lecture. I was remiss in regarding the authority of the President of the United States as superior to your own (possible coursework?) requirements. Rest assured, I will attend all of your future lectures despite the literal punishment of death for desertion during a time of war. I am now prepared to learn everything I can about the "Law and the Legal Environment."

Speaking again to my obvious stupidity, where are the future lectures being held? Clearly, despite asking for such information multiple times, I have missed the answer. I sat (in a quite lonely and, I daresay, sad state) in the dark and deserted lecture room of A-15 on September 10, 2010 between 9:00am and 9:30am. Neither you nor any other person was present. Again, thank you for requesting me in your second email to "please attend so I can help you," as I was unaware that your intentions were so freely available. Without such advice, I believe I would've considered a lecture in a dark and empty room as a complete waste of time.

Additionally, your succinct sentence instruction to "See syllabus." was incredibly insightful in response to my request to "please reply to this email and attach any material (at the very least, a syllabus...)," as this is exactly what I was missing. Again, I must beg pardon for my idiocy. I have obviously missed an obvious point. I'm relieved to hear that you "believe we are up to fiftteen" chapters in the book, since I know that such faith works in mysterious ways. Am I correct in assuming that "fiftteen" outlines have been turned in by all other students during the past three weeks in your course? The other students, none of whom I've met at lecture, must be some of the smartest smart people ever to explain to themselves what, when, where, and how you want these "outlines" written.

But you, even to me, further explained that you "cannot be held to keep [me] informed" of course information, which pretty much goes without saying. Faithfully enough, you "reccomend [sic] to all of my students to obtain students phone numbers," which would nigh be impossible if I hadn't attended an empty lecture room, a lecture when you told me to leave to find "the administration building", and a U.S. Army training drill. I will no doubt soon learn that "in college this is generally your responsibility" when it comes to obtaining the phone numbers of other college students. I imagine this is part of learning about the "Law and the Legal Environment."

As a point of said fact, you were correct in your blunt implication that I have never attended college, nor am I aware of my responsibilities in college, when you stated "in college this is generally your responsibility." Granted, I have never introduced myself to a single student in your course during my dark and lonely college attendance days, but I regress. I have only earned a Bachelor's degree from the "University" of California, San Diego and a professional clear teaching credential from California State "University" of Bakersfield. Great of you to remind me of my freshman collegiate responsibilities. The difference between my previous education experience and your "cannot be held to keep you informed" policy towards students is mind-boggling.

I am still enrolled in and looking for any information regarding your course. I'm paid in full, money-wise.

-Benjamin