Revelation: My ex-fiance's mother signed up for a "suicide hotline" over five years ago so that she could subvert and derail our engagement. I learned of this seemingly insignificant fact of her volunteering for a suicide hotline through my fiance. I didn't think it was significant at the time, even though my fiance's mother specifically requested my fiance to be her "debrief support channel" after the calls during midnight hours. I honestly didn't care, didn't think it was significant, didn't even respond when my fiance told me about it other than "Oh, that sounds awesome. Very cool of your mother to volunteer". But, holy shit, how stupid do I feel after five years of reflection? Consider these facts:
-My fiance's mother did not want her daughter to ever get married.
-My fiance's mother did not want her daughter to ever get married due to the fact that she was afraid my fiance might actually form a family of her own with another and neglect the enabling responsibilities her mother required for codependency.
-My fiance's mother did not want her daughter to specifically marry me due to the fact I was planning on starting my own family with her.
-My fiance's mother broke into my fiance's email account to read our correspondence while I was away in India. After reading a particularly troubling email containing some of my thoughts about her and her family, my fiance's mother immediately brought it up to her husband and left it up to him to confront my fiance about what he/she "randomly stumbled upon while using the computer" (fiance's mother's words, exactly) in terms of how troubling it was to their family.
-My fiance's mother confronted my fiance EVERY SINGLE DAY with reminders of why she should never leave her family to start another while I was away in India,.
Considering that context, and the fact that I wanted as much to be a part of fiance's family as she wanted of our new family, the simple subversive actions of her mother completely alluded me. How could I be so blind? How could I miss this simple fact for the past five years? I don't know.
Five years ago my fiance's mother called a "suicide hotline". She said she wanted to volunteer as a suicide hotline operator, at least, that's what my fiance told me she said. This occurred while I was in India and my fiance was living with her mother. Furthermore, my fiance's mother specifically requested the midnight-4am shift for the hotline, and asked my fiance to be her "debrief support" after every phone call during this time. It just so happens that this was the only time frame that I was able to contact my fiance during her available hours in the local time zone (since I was calling from India). Fuck me, I cannot believe I didn't realize this until now.
Since my fiance was a codependent object of her mother's emotional needs, EVERY SINGLE CALL her mother took necessitated the use of my fiance's debriefing skills. Every day, at midnight, 2am, 1:30am, 3:30am, 2:15am, etc. my fiance was woken up from sleep by her mother to debrief her on the latest suicide call. As such, when I called faithfully at 8:00am local time every day (like I promised I would), my fiance was either asleep, too tired to answer the phone, or delirious from lack of sleep. Guess who answered the phone at her house every day at 8:00am? You got it, my fiance's mother, informing me of my fiance's inability to talk on the phone.
Despite the context, I did not realize until this very day (January 16, 2011), that my fiance's mother put herself and my fiance further into a codependent relationship to prevent our relationship from ever continuing via this act. I thought volunteering for a suicide hotline operator, especially for the midnight-4am shift, was awesomely sacrificial. I didn't even suspect an anterior motive. I didn't see what she was trying, and succeeding, to do. The effect of her actions were that I could never talk to my fiance during convenient times for her while I was overseas in India calling from a telephone booth two miles walk from my residence. Good fucking Lord, I'm still figuring this shit out.
To sum up: Even five to seven years after a marriage fails, you still do not know the whole truth behind the people who made it fail. Not your fault, people are just that subversive and complicated.
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